So, in the spirit of continuing to share my most profound and (sometimes) darkest dreams, today I want to talk about the novel I have wanted to write for the last 15 years. Yes, you read that right. I have been conceptualizing, polishing, and downright dreaming about this story I have wanted to bring to the world since I was a senior in high school.
Mind you, when I say conceptualizing and polishing, I am not talking about me actually doing the work, locked in a room working 14 hours pouring myself on paper. Instead, I have been merely contemplating the idea; All in my head. And this is not because I am some sort of savant or anything, but because, well, I’m terrified of it.
The mere idea of just deciding to manifest this dream of mine scares me shitless. After all, the amount of work necessary to make it happen seems impossible to tackle.
15 Years a Dream
Now, you might have experienced this conundrum, this paralysis in your own life. After all, it’s very common for people to feel overwhelmed with life’s responsibilities and the endless stream of tasks, hurdles, and complexities in adulthood. Yet, ironically, when we might have the ability and resources to work on our goals, our duties and responsibilities exceed our spare time.
We might be capable, talented adults, but our jobs and the coping mechanisms we have adopted completely overtake our mental bandwidth.
Yet, I still feel the call to make the time; To somehow find inside me more than I thought I had and pour everything into this journey.
Inner Wars
In his book The War of Art: Break Through the Blocks and Win Your Inner Creative Battles, Steven Pressfield writes that we are all at war with a formidable enemy that lives inside us. An enemy that knows us like no other and is capable of incredible feats of manipulation. A tireless fiend, always ready, always at its peak; Ready to do everything it has to do to stop you from actualizing yourself and manifesting your dreams.
Resistance.
It lives inside us, and it’s only goal is to keep the status quo of your life. Keep you comfortable, safe, and away from stress. Resistance will say the right things into your ear to convince you that you can always start tomorrow, that there is always time, inviting you to procrastinate. When necessary, Resistance will bully you into believing that your dreams are not within your grasp and that others are doing so much more than you that your contribution would be meaningless.
The sad truth is that if you want to make things happen, you have to ignore that voice. To create, we have to go against our natural tendencies to stay safe and free of stress. We have to look straight to the mountain and take the first step towards the summit. And it’s going to be terrifying and disorienting. But remember, everyone who has created anything has felt the same.
Dreams Don’t Belong in the Grave
So, I have decided to take the first step. I am going to embark on this journey, one step at a time. I am currently working on putting into paper the character details.
Words, limited by the human mind, cannot hope to convey how much I love my wife and how grateful I am to have her in my life. However, I hope to do my best to put my limited words to good use and bring to life a story that has been begging to be born for far too long.
I know it will take years of work, failures, embarrassments, rejections, rewriting, frustration, tears, and even some of my sanity. Additionally, the end result might be underwhelming and reach nobody. Yet, I refuse to take this gift to my grave. Writing is a complex craft, and I deeply respect the people who have made it their career —successfully or not.
From today, you are my witness and my accountability buddy. I hope you are with us for the ride.
Also, If there is any dream deep inside you that you have always wanted to take on, let us know! We would love to cheer you on.
Stay safe; Stay well.
Cover photo by Matt Botsford on Unsplash
